"President Obama's approval rating down to 46 percent. That means 54 percent of the people do not approve of the job he's doing, which I think is totally unfair. We should at least wait until he actually does something."
- Jay Leno

Oprah Winfrey and Sarah Palin "will sit down and they're going to talk for an entire hour. And I was thinking, too bad John McCain didn't do that with her before he chose her as his running mate."
- David Letterman


"Lou Dobbs has quit CNN. And here's the weird part: He didn't want to quit, his work visa expired."
– Jay Leno


"President Obama is traveling to Asia this week. He'll be making a trip to China. While he's there, Obama plans to visit the Forbidden City, the Great Wall, and America's money."
- Conan O'Brien

"Welcome to New York City, first of all, but bad news — city is broke. Yeah. No more money. And they're cutting back on garbage collection. And I want to tell you, New York City, by the way, has one of the finest collections of garbage you'll see anywhere."
– David Letterman

David Letterman - Kid Scientists and the Glowing Foam

"Lou Dobbs has quit CNN. And here's the weird part: He didn't want to quit, his work visa expired."
- Jay Leno

"Speaking of 'Don't ask, don't tell,' Congressman Barney Frank said yesterday that the military's 'Don't ask, don't tell' policy will be repealed next year. It's going to be replaced by the policy, 'Yeah, we knew.'"
– Jimmy Fallon

"Remember the crazy astronaut lady who put on a diaper and drove cross country? She was in love with another astronaut. And I said to myself, well that's what happens when you mix vodka and tang."
– David Letterman


"Forbes magazine just came out, and they've released a new list of the world's most powerful people. President Obama is number one. Interesting, yeah. And apparently, Oprah is pissed off."
– Conan O'Brien


"A middle school in North Carolina has caused some controversy, because they were offering to improve test scores for cash donations. For a $20 donation, kids could get an increase of 20 points on any test they chose. It was the 'Cash from Flunkers' program."
– Jay Leno

Penelope Cruz guest at The Jay Leno Show